First Impressions
by Writer's Melody
Summary: A young woman must struggle to adjust and face her future after a traumatic event. Can what was broken ever be fixed?
1. Chapter 1

Warning- contains rape.

Kimi smiled happily. It was a lovely day. A gentle breeze stirred her hair and took the edge off the day's heat, just enough to make it comfortable. She was half-tempted to skip down the path to her family's Hold but thought better of it. Though it was wide, the path was fairly rough and there wasn't any around to see her if she fell and hurt herself.

Besides, she didn't… skip. It just wasn't really her. For a girl of 12, she was fairly serious. Then again, she was the oldest in a family of five children, the two youngest being twins of one Turn. It was only to be expected that she would have quite a bit of responsibility in the home.

Not that she minded; why would she? She loved her siblings and of course her parents, so helping out was a pleasure. It made her happy to make them happy. Being a young woman of 12, chances were very soon she would be moving to one of the Halls to begin an Apprenticeship and she wanted to make the most of the time she had left.

"Kimi, wait up!" It was Magnar, her uncle's fosterling. Though he was a full seven Turns older than she was, he treated her like an equal and was very handsome. The attention he paid to her was flattering. She paused, her cheeks flushing. "Where are you coming from?" he asked, a little breathlessly, as he fell into step beside her.

"Lessons with the Harper, what about you?" she asked curiously. He didn't normally come by this way at this time.

"I came from the main Hold to see you," he admitted. Her eyes widened.

"Really?" she said incredulously, hardly daring to believe that someone so charming and handsome would seek _her_ out. Oh, she was cute enough in her own way, with freckles abundantly scattered all over her skin, lips of a pleasant shape that concealed two rows of straight even white teeth, and soft ash-brown hair with natural highlights, but even when she matured she didn't think she would ever be called a beauty.

He laughed. It was a musical sound that rang through the air. There was nothing condescending about it. She smiled in response and her cheeks flushed. The laughter faded as his hand ever so casually reached out to take hers. Her hand in his felt so right, so good. Unlike hers, his hand was roughened by work. Absently she wondered what the stubble he was sporting would feel like against her skin.

They rounded a bend in the road. He tugged her hand, causing her to stop. Curious, she turned to face him. The look on his face made her blush again. "You look very pretty in this light, Kimi," he said softly. Her eyes widened even further. Was she dreaming? No, she was too aware of where they touched and the breeze that still softly blew through the trees for that.

She stood absolutely still as he leaned forward. Was he going to-? Yes, he was. The difference in their ages and height didn't matter at that moment. Kimi leaned forward, wanting to meet his lips with her own in a gentle kiss that would be exactly like the first kiss of two people destined to be together should be.

But it wasn't, not at all. His mouth crushed hers and one hand held the back of her head. It was hard to breathe. The stubble scraped her skin roughly. Too stunned by the reality of this, she didn't react for a moment. Before she could pull away, he released her. There was a gleam she didn't recognize in his eyes.

She resisted the urge to wipe the back of her mouth. Something wasn't right! He was Magnar, a charming handsome young man who never talked down to her and had a special smile just for her. That was the boy she had fantasized about marrying, the boy she had come to love or so she thought. This rough young man of the shadows was unfamiliar and very frightening.

"Did you like that?" he asked; his voice was full of eagerness and something she didn't recognize. He stepped towards her and she stepped back, feeling frightened for no apparent reason. Magnar was a good friend and lived with her uncle! Surely he wouldn't hurt her.

"You're scaring me," she said. His face darkened, the features she had once admired now becoming sinister. Kimi turned to one but she fell to the ground. She cried out in pain and before she could get up to flee, he was down too. He was too strong for a slight girl like her.

She tried, oh she tried, to stop him but she couldn't. He had her skirt up around her waist, her underclothes pushed away, and her arms pinned almost effortlessly. Kimi screamed wordlessly, shaking her head. Words wouldn't come from a mouth dry with fear. All that followed was pain and grunting sounds. Kimi was shaking violently, damp with his sweat, when he finally pulled himself off her.

She was bleeding and hurt all over her body. "If you ever tell _anyone_ about this, I will hurt you even worse. Do you understand?" he said. Kimi could only nod in stupefied comprehension. He pulled up his pants, glanced down at her with an expressionless face, and walked back towards the hold, leaving Kimi sobbing brokenly, in pain and mourning for the innocence that had been so violently taken from her.


	2. Chapter 2

Had it really only been a day? It felt like an eternity. The wide-eyed, smiling, naïve girl that she had been, despite the responsibility she shouldered as an oldest child from a well-off, well-connected family, was gone forever. She was relieved when the lessons with the Harper were finished. The laughter and bright chatter of the other Holdbrats grated on her nerves, which were scraped to the breaking point.

She didn't want to do anything but curl up by herself in some dark corner and weep. Her body still ached. Kimi wanted to do something, anything to relieve the pain but nothing would work. Before she could slip away, the Harper that had been assigned to her home called her back.

The girl swallowed nervously. Did he know somehow? She hadn't told anyone! And though she had been more quiet in usual during the class… "What is it?" she asked. He smiled kindly at her.

"Don't be so nervous!" he chuckled. "Please sit down." Kimi glanced around her wildly. They were alone. Panic threatened to overwhelm her when memories of the last time she had been with a male played through her mind. No, she had to stay calm, stay focused. He wouldn't hurt her. But she had thought the same of Magnar.

"You are 12 Turns," he began, "and this is the age where a young person's future is decided. Having known you for as long as I have, I believe that I can confidently assist you in deciding where you want to go."

That made sense. Kimi pursed her lips. She hadn't really given it a whole lot of thought! Honestly, she hadn't expected that she would do anything other than mature, get married, and have children of her own; no one had really suggested that she dream about a different life or that she might be better suited for it. Not to say she hadn't wondered, even thought, about other paths. She had never thought she would be found suitable.

"You have a lovely voice and a quick mind," he said. Her cheeks flushed. "Don't be embarrassed! You would do well as a Harper but I believe that you would do even better with the Healers. Would you like that?"

There was a pause as Kimi mulled this over. "Can I give it some thought?" she asked. That seemed to be what he had wanted to hear. The man beamed and clapped his hands.

"Good to hear! Of course you can!" he said.

It didn't take her long to make up her mind. She had never really wanted the life of a Holder and Healing would enable her to help others, do something useful with her life. Her family was pleased that she had chosen such a worthy pursuit, although she knew her father was disappointed that she gave up her chance to inherit.

The next two weeks were a blur of preparation. Kimi attributed her increased appetite and sensitivity, both emotional and physical, to the stress caused by moving. Her parents chose to have a family feast on her last night there. That meant Magnar would be there.

She had managed not to see him since then. It was inevitable. So what if she was a few shades paler than normal when she took her place? There was a smile on her face and her eyes gleamed, though what caused that no one knew.

It passed without incident. Everything went fine, although it was difficult to steady her hands and not flee or tell everyone. Her parents were so proud, so happy, and her siblings had been so wonderful. No reason to spoil things. Kimi's sleep that night was filled with nightmares.


End file.
